There is no "absolute happiness". Happiness is relative. At least it is true for sensitive souls. My friend agrees to that. Today I found someone going through a similar phase as me. And when he narrated his ordeal, I realised that maybe this is what happens with most people. One should never try to pursue understanding oneself. "To understand" is non-existent. What exists though are compromises of expectations and beliefs. Life is a bargain. And compromises come in as an inevitable part of it. Sometimes the compromise is so demanding, that it deprives you of even the most precious. And Ive been robbed. I have lost my soul. I see so many soul-less around and I feel maybe I lost it to find my way back to somewhere. No wonder am typing too much today. This day, sure has taken away a lot from me. But I can't be affected. I have to be numb. I pray that all the souls involved with me find the essence of what I felt, at least through these writings. I do realise that I have been writing "around" a lot of things, and not saying anything concrete. The truth is, I have lost the ability to be concrete. Iam too abstract.

"Blame not thyself, what I endure is out of endless endearing"